A preemptive apology for 2010

I was drinking beer with an old cop buddy of mine on New Year’s Eve. My buddy has more years on a few different adult-babysitting-type jobs than he’d care to count anymore, not to mention a few suspensions without pay and a few ex-wives. He doesn’t work around here, and to further protect the guilty we’ll refer to him as Officer Lumpy. 

After a few bottles of Coors the other night, Lumpy told me he wants everyone to know he’s sorry. 

“Sorry for what?” I asked. 

“I’m sorry for everything that’s gonna happen this year,” said Lumpy. “Ya know, every time I’m gonna say something some jackass doesn’t like. When I arrest somebody an’ they don’t like it. When I don’t arrest somebody an’ somebody else don’t like it. When I write some guy a ticket an’ he gripes to the boss. When I don’t write somebody a ticket an’ the other guy gripes to the boss. All that stuff.”